First Christmas - part 1

My sweater is scratchy and smells of new. Everything is new. I have a new mommy. She is a doctor. 
She has a tetscope that I can stick in my ears and hear my heart. She is kind and smiles. She smiles all 

the time. Her teeth are small and white. 

“Do you want to help me decorate the tree, Christian?”

There is a big tree in the room with the big couches. A big tree. I have seen these before. But in stores. Not inside where the couches are. My new house has lots of couches. Not one couch. Not one brown sticky couch. 

“Here, look.”

My new mommy shows me a box, and it’s full of balls. Lots of pretty shiny balls.

“These are ornaments for the tree.”
Orn-a-ments. Orn-a-ments. My head says the word. Orn-a-ments.
“And these—” she stops and pulls out a string with little flowers on them.

“These are the lights. Lights first, and then we can trim the tree.” She reaches down and puts her fingers in my hair. I go very still. But I like her fingers in my hair. I like to be near New Mommy. She smells good. Clean. And she only touches my hair.

“Mom!”

He’s calling. Lelliot. He’s big and loud. Very loud. He talks. All the time. I don’t talk at all. I have no words. I have words in my head.

“Elliot, darling, we’re in the sitting room.” He runs in.  He has been to school. He has a picture. A picture he has drawn for my new mommy. She is Lelliot’s mommy, too.

 She kneels down and hugs him and looks at the picture. It is a house with a mommy and a daddy and a Lelliot and a Christian. Christian is very small in Lelliot’s picture. Lelliot is big. He has a big smile and Christian has a sad face.

Daddy is here, too. He walks toward Mommy. I hold my blankie tight. He kisses New Mommy and New Mommy isn’t frightened. She smiles. She kisses him back. I squeeze my blankie.

“Hello, Christian.” Daddy has a deep soft voice. I like his voice. He is never loud. He does not shout. He does not shout like . . . He reads books to me when I go to bed. He reads about a cat and a hat and green eggs and ham. I have never seen green eggs. Daddy bends down so he is small.

“What did you do today?”
I show him the tree.
“You bought a tree? A Christmas tree?”
I say yes with my head.
“It’s a beautiful tree. You and Mommy chose very well. It’s an important job

choosing the right tree.”
He pats my hair, too, and I go very still and hold my blankie tightly. Daddy doesn’t hurt me.

“Daddy, look at my picture.” Lelliot is mad when Daddy talks to me. Lelliot is mad at me. I smack Lelliot when he is mad at me. New Mommy is mad at me if I do. Lelliot does not smack me. Lelliot is scared of me.

The lights on the tree are pretty.
“Here, let me show you. The hook goes through the little eye, and then you can hang it on the tree.” Mommy puts the red orn-a . . . orn-a-ment on the tree. “You try with this little bell.”
The little bell rings. I shake it. The sound is a happy sound. I shake it again.

Mommy smiles. A big smile. A special smile for me.
“You like the bell, Christian?”
I say yes with my head and shake the bell once more, and it tinkles happily. “You have a lovely smile, darling boy.” Mommy blinks and wipes her hand on her eyes. She strokes my hair. “I love to see your smile.” Her hand moves to my shoulder. No. I step back and squeeze my blankie. Mommy looks sad and then happy. She strokes my hair.

“Shall we put the bell on the tree?” My head says yes.